Patience, it's a virtue... but that doesn't mean it's easy.

For the past year, I have been considering where my life is headed. And for the past year, I've come up with nothing. And for a person like me, who is always making plans and three steps ahead of everyone else, that has been very difficult. However, I've been learning something about patience.

Me on my last birthday... 23!

When I was a kid, I loved my birthday. I still do, but not to the extent that I did as a child. I couldn't wait for it. I wanted to know what presents I would get, if/ where I would have a party, which friends I would invite. It was the highlight of my year. But the waiting, oh the waiting! It was excruciating, counting down the days... 365, 364, 363...

I think that's how I feel now, but on a grander scale. Like I know that something great is coming but I have to wait and wait and wait until it gets here. People tell me, "That's what your early 20s are all about" and "One day when you [insert significant event here, i.e. start/ finish grad school, get married, have kids, etc.] that will all change." It's frustrating, I'm tired of waiting. Especially when I'm not really sure what I'm waiting for!

So I found it quite interesting as I was going through my devotions this morning and I stumbled upon a psalm that I've read many times. But I think I might have always skipped over the end of it...

"Wait upon the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait upon the Lord." Psalm 27:14


I've never been one to equate strength and patience, but in the season of life that I've been in, I've found that it takes amazing strength to step back and wait for instruction rather than to charge into action. I'm pretty sure that lesson alone has saved me from mountains of unknown heartache and stress.

But I'm still not a fan of waiting.  And there are 263 days left until my birthday.

Confessions of a Kids Camp Director

Today I got back from my final camp of the summer... and it was a camp that I was directing. It is so crazy to see where God has brought me over the past sixteen years since my first year as a camper at Camp Cedar Crest to actually leading an entire camp. I'm still amazed. I knew at 15 that I wanted to one day direct a kid's camp, but I had no idea that I would be 23 when it actually happened. Did I mentioned that I'm amazed?!?! It is awesome to know that when God gives you a dream, He'll make it happen, regardless of how impossible it may seem.

So, kids camp was absolutely amazing. It ran so smoothly and God really did an amazing work in the lives of the campers, group leaders and the staff. I couldn't have asked for a better year to direct a camp. And I am SO THANKFUL for the entire staff that loved and supported me in something that I had never done before. I feel like I have come out of this weekend and this summer having learned so much about myself, about life, and about ministry.

I'm still trying to process everything that has taken place this summer, but I can safely say that this has been the most surreal summer of my entire life. I look forward to seeing where the next steps in my life are headed, but I am so glad to be able to look back and see how far God has brought me at this point.

I am also super thankful for all of the men and women that God has put in my life throughout the years to influence and shape who I have become and will continue to become. Ironically, Jason (who led Highway 56 when I was at TCOTW) and Leaf (my jr. high pastor @ TCOTW) were both at this camp, along with my parents and many other adults who have loved and encouraged me throughout the years and helped me get to where I needed to be to hear God's voice. It was nice to be able to say thank you. And it's really cool to know that God has given me the opportunity and the responsibility to be one of those people in the lives of the elementary kids that I meet and talk to at camp as well as the kids that I have a weekly influence over at my own church's youth group.

Now it's time to take a deep breath and start the recovery process! There's still so much to process and consider, but I'm looking forward to a time of rest while I'm figuring this all out. I might even have time to have friends again!!! (Just kidding, sort of.) But, thank you all for your prayers and encouragement over the past few months (especially Jeff & David, you guys are awesome!), it has been an incredible journey that I'm honestly a little sad to see come to an end. But who knows what God has coming?!?!?!

"Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God." - Corrie ten Boom


Oh, by the way, click here to check out our kids camp staff dance! You won't regret it, I promise!

Hey Jealousy

I want... I need... Give me, please...

I used to think that as I got older, people would become less selfish. I was wrong. But more importantly, I thought that it would be easier to fight off the ugly green monster of jealousy once I became an adult. Again, I struck out pretty bad on that one too. Don't get me wrong, I really love my life and I am very blessed to have the things and people in my life that I do, but too often I find myself floating into that place where I wish I could trade lives with someone else.

So, hey jealousy, I guess we're going to have to keep playing this game until I get to the point where I can truly be content with where I am.

Oh wait, no we don't.

This a choice. Sure, there are things that I wish I had or I wish came easier or more naturally to me, but what sense does it make to only be happy when I get exactly what I want and be completely miserable for the rest of my lives. That's just too depressing. And completely unnecessary.

True contentment may not come easy, but it certainly makes life worth living.

How awesome would it be to live in a place where we can be thankful in all circumstances and are not always striving after bigger and better to appease our (and society's) insatiable appetite for more?
...To live a life of genuine contentment and be okay with having all of your needs met and nothing more?
...To be able to rejoice with those who rejoice and to mourn with those who mourn without offering comparison of who has it better/ worse?
...To give without limits or hesitation and without expecting anything in return?

What would life be like if I said goodbye to jealousy and decided to live life for what it is and stop waiting for my life to turn out like everyone else's? I would guess I might enjoy it a little bit more!

More than a song...

Can you really get something for nothing? Can you have a great friendship without investing in it? Can you have a reliable vehicle without making sure it has what it needs? Can you have a beautiful garden without tending it? If we're honest with ourselves, the answer is no.

At church on Sunday, we started a series on sacrifice based on our word for the year, which is found in 2 Samuel 24: "I will not sacrifice to God offerings that cost me nothing." It got me thinking, "What do I bring as an offering & am I really sacrificing anything to do it?" My very next thought was, "I'm a worship leader so OF COURSE I'm bringing an offering... yeah, I'm good." Followed by the thought, "Who are you kidding?"

In the most honest of moments, I can say with utmost certainty that my worship is not always a sacrifice. For me, music is something that comes easy to me and there are worship songs that I can play in my sleep. It doesn't really cost me anything to sit behind a keyboard on a Sunday morning and sing. It's not that it isn't sincere, because it is... it's just not a sacrifice. Sacrifice requires something more than what's comfortable, something more than what comes easy. And worship is more than music, more than just Sunday morning.

As I embark on this season of Lent, which in itself is a season of sacrifice, it will be one of self-discovery. One in which I begin to figure out what part of myself will be laid upon the altar... where, just maybe, instead of bringing everyone else's song, I bring my own.